My house

Give me a house
With a hole for a mouse
And a patch where the damp’s coming through.
Give me a plot
Where there’s woodworm and rot,
And a stain round the rim of the loo.

Give me a cat
Who sheds fleas on the mat,
And a dog with a slight case of worms.
If you can’t use the toilet
For fear you might spoil it,
Then frankly I’d rather have germs.

Give me squeaks in the doors,
Give me creaky old floors,
And weeds growing up through the path.
Give me poor ventilation,
Severe condensation,
And tide marks all over the bath.

Give me structural cracking
My damp course is lacking,
Foundations which sink like Titanic.
Give me leaves in my drains,
Give me leaks when it rains,
And a garden that’s strictly organic.

So give me an H
And and O and an M,
And give me an E for my trouble.
My house is the pits
But I’ll love it to bits,
Until it collapses to rubble.

by Sheridan Parsons

My poem 'My House' was published by Poetry Now in ‘Voice of Surrey’ 1996.